okay, i don't know how to start this.
except i am very sad. i wasn't before today. everything was fine.
but i am feeling overwhelmed and alysen is being a complete brathead. she doesn't listen to ANYTHING until i yell at her, and then she looks so sad
. i feel so bad when she looks like that. she comes to me and says "i love you mom, i love you" and wants hugs. it's like why does she have to push me
to be that mad??? i shouldn't have to ask her things 10 freaking times!!!! i even had to spank her at playgroup today. (thank you for not giving my your opinions on spanking. i was spanked, and i spank in appropriate situations. end of discussion.) it's so hard because i can't lift her, so i can't just carry her out of someplace like i usually would if she's being bad. i just gave jayna her first bath... and i felt like i couldn't "enjoy" it like i did with alysen. i had alysen under my feet and trav in the living room watching tv with the kids... i don't know. then i had to yell at alysen because she knocked the baby shampoo down off the counter. my nerves are just burned. this brings me to not wanting to move... it will be me alone with both of them for hours longer than i am now, and alysen doesn't listen to me at all. plus i won't even have any friends to go hang out with so i'll be all lonely. plus i don't want to pack. i am just .... overwhelmed.
anyway. thanks for listening. you don't even have to comment.